Needed: a new structure

I have deemed this draft of the novel done. I need to let it sit now for a week or two before looking at it with fresh eyes and seeing what the hell I have actually written.

Which leaves me without the structure that was so vital for this last month of prolific writing productivity. So I need a new structure. A new plan. And this is it: on the weekends I am going to take a break from writing on any specific piece. Not from writing itself. The weekend is for playing. For freewriting and just filling up pages. I did 2 twenty-minute writes today. The topics were:

1. The Woman I Kept to Myself (from the title of a book of poetry by Julia Alvarez)
2. What was it that I wanted? (from a line in one of her poems)

I have 9 hand-written pages and it was so much fun to just let my mind wander and roam without a specific goal in sight, only to keep my hand moving for 20 full minutes.

My goal this week is to get a story ready for my workshop on Sunday. 2 hours (at least) of revision daily. It won't feel as productive as the 2000 words a day was. That was a straight ahead no matter what goal. Revision is less linear. More of a spiral process so I think the time quota instead of pages or words will work. We'll see.

Now I am going down to our art space in the basment for more creativity with k. She is finally feeling better. The fever broke and she can eat real food again.

Quote:
If you want to see your own face, if you want to drop off the old yellow coat of yourself, pick up the pen.
- from a symposium on writing and zen.

I love the line "the old yellow coat of yourself." That could be a writing topic for tomorrow.

And for more inspiration, check out this link:

http://www.laserrania.com/odysseys/houston_why_i_write.html

It's an essay by Pam Houston.

Day twenty-eight

Word count: 52,327

Quote:
Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.
- from "Wild Mind"

Not much of a difference in word count between today and yesterday. A little less than 200 words but I'm amazed I got that much in considering I had to go pick up k. at school because she was sick. I squeezed in another Dr. appointment I already had for e. to check out her ankle that has been hurting for a month. After an hour and a half at the dr. they sent us to the urgent care for x-rays of the ankle and to the pharmacy to help soothe the wicked viral infection for k. She just had some broth and a pill and now needs to gargle with benadryl and maalox- yummy... Obviously she will not be going to school tomorrow and the dr. said to plan for a rough weekend. Perfect...

Oh, and I've always loved the above quote from N.G. My writing has all kinds of energy when I remember to do that.

Day twenty-seven

Word count: 52,138

Quote: Follow what you love and it will take you where you need to go.
- from a symposium on writing an Zen

I think that maybe I have completed this first draft. It's far from done and there is so much to flesh out in the middle but a first line - perhap "the" first line" came to me as I was writing today so I feel it is time to swing back around to the beginning of the story. I thought I might want a break from it before tackling the rewrite but maybe not.

Day Twenty-Six

Word count: 50,142

Writing is a way to connect with our own minds, to discover what we really think, see, and feel, rather than what we think we should think, see, and feel.
-from "Long Quiet Highway"

Yes- that is not a typo up there- I did pass the 50,00 word mark today. Three days early. But it still isn't quite wrapped up. I don't expect it to be a completely finished, polished story but I do want the dangling threads to begin to come to some kind of closure. Most of my stories do not have neat and tidy endings so that's not what I'm going for but maybe by tomorrow I will reach a point where I feel that this particular draft is done. It reminds me of a class I took where we had to write a complete short story in three to five pages and I always struggled with that. It can take me that many pages to begin to learn what the story is about. So it's like that but on a larger scale, trying to show a complete story arc within 50,000 words. I can see the benefit which is why I am scrambling to get it to a kind of closure. I want to be able to look back at the story with a fresh eye and see a story that then needs to be fleshed out. And who knows- maybe the fleshing out will take the story in a completely different direction which will then lead me to a totally new ending.

Day Twenty-Five

Word count: 48,438

Quote:
Writing is a great journey. It is a path with the possibility of making us free. And it can do all of this while you sit at a desk.
- from "Wild Mind"

New scenes keep popping into my head and I frantically type them in, adding more and more words to this novel, knowing that it is not in any kind of sequence that makes any kind of sense yet. That will come during the revision process. I just keep telling myself that this is the down draft. I am just getting everything that I know down. The next phase is the up draft, where I fix it up, deepening what I know, adding layers. I have read a few pages here and there and while it is far from perfect I can feel some sparks there on the page. It is the kind of book I would be drawn to read.

Day Twenty-four

Word count: 45,347

Quote:
The reader wants to come along with you. Take her.
- from Thunder and Lightning

That's it...long day.

Day Twenty-Three

Word count: 45,347

Quote: Our voice emerges when we're jolted, loosened, connected to ourselves in a way that's bigger than ourselves.
- from "Thunder and Lightning"

I didn't get a chance to sit down here at my computer until 7:00 tonight. Today we cleaned the house and tackled the basement which is also our art area. Then I worked out, made lunch and went grocery shopping. Got home just before 5:00 when the girls' sleepover started. So now the house is filled with five "tweens" but I managed to sneak in here and add another thousand words to my story.

Day Twenty-Two

Word count: 44,266

Quote:
Your mind has its own paths to travel. Just step out of its way.
- from Long Quiet Highway

Just squeezed in over a thousand words today. I showed up but nothing magical happened. I probably won't even use what I wrote today. It was all cheesey and trite. But at least I wrote it and got it out of the way so maybe something better will appear tomorrow. I think I am letting a certain idea I had influence the story. This particular plot line feels forced. Maybe I just need to let it go. Or as the quote says: step out of my own way.

Not sure where the day even went today. I did talk on the phone to my best friend from high school for an hour and a half, washed and changed all the sheets on the beds, did other laundry and even went Christmas shopping, bought two presents and wrapped them when I got home. So all in all a very productive and satisfying day.

Here's to the first day of the last week of this particular challenge but really, it's not the end. It's like a diet is never the true answer. There is no quick fix. Sure, I am writing this novel in thirty days but what really matters is what I do on the 31st day. And the day after that. And on and on. It's a matter of staying connected to my writing on a daily basis. It's a matter of showing up even when -or especially when- I have no idea what happens next. It means finishing this draft, putting it aside, revising an older story, getting some stories circulating out there again then going back to this novel and reading it with some clarity and distance and starting the process of writing it all over again. Each day I begin again. And again and again...

Day Twenty-One

Word count: 43, 254

Quote:
The more deeply we can allow ourselves to sink into the darkness of our own selves, the more we can settle into the mind of being a writer.
- from "Long Quiet Highway"

As I close in on the final 10,00 words of this draft I am frantically fitting in scenes of conflict and escalating the trouble in my characters' lives. Much of the revision process will involve the pacing of the conflicts, not revealing too much or too little too late or too soon.

Day Twenty

Word count: 41,093

Quote:
Writing is the willingness to see.
- from "Long Quiet Highway"

I just printed out the pages I have so far (130), three-hole punched them and put them in a binder along with all the scrap papers with my precious notes. I can see the end in sight and know that I will need to be semi-organized to tackle the revsion process. I didn't really find my structure until I was a good 50 pages into it. After this initial draft is done, I need to map out a timeline to hang in my office here to refer to as I rewrite. Right now I am just getting the scenes down as they come to me, knowing that the sequence can be fixed later. Some scenes I am writing, knowing they are a little too cheesey or melodramatic but I put them in anyway. It's all about just getting it "down" now in order to have something to fix "up" later.

Day Nineteen

Word count: 38, 773

Quote:
When we actually write and lift that heavy pen to the vast page, beings seen and unseen help us.
- from "Wild Mind"

The pen felt very heavy and the page extremely vast today but I actually sat down and wrote and those beings appeared. Go figure...

Day Eighteen

I waited until the last possible moment to start writing today- 2:00 and I just finsished as daughter number one got off the bus a few minutes ago. It is a cold, rainy, dreary day. Perfect for curling up with a good book. But I did finally haul myself to the computer, adding some 2000 words to my story. I wasn't sure where I was starting today but it ended up in an interesting place. A couple things changed and I wasn't sure how that would work but I followed it anyway and it feels inevitable. And I only found that out by showing up. I know I sound like a broken record but it's the lesson I keep having pounded into me day after day and it is the lesson I so needed to learn. And will continue to have to learn over and over again.

Total word count: 36, 241

Quote:
When we write we begin to taste the texture of our own mind.
-from "Long Quiet Highway"

Day Seventeen

I am tired, cranky and not focused today but I still ground out just over a thousand words. I can't emphasize enough how important it has been for me to show up everyday to this story. To my writing. It keeps me connected to it. It is always there, wandering around my subconscious, which is why I have so many scraps of paper with little what-if notes to myself scribbled on them, most of which I am incorporating into the story.

Total word count: 34, 184

Quote:
Each time we sit down to write we have to be willing to let go and enter something bigger than ourselves.
- from "Long Quiet Highway"

New current working title: "A Kind of Shelter"

Off to do the grocery shopping for the week...

Day Sixteen

I'm finding myself really enjoying the expanse of a novel. I love having all this space to roam freely in and out of my character's heads, lives and pasts. I wrote part of a novel eight or so years ago then freaked myself out and decided I didn't know what I was doing and maybe I should focus on short stories just to learn about the craft of fiction in a smaller form. Since then I've written forty or so stories. So I am used to the tightness and control of the short story form. But now, especially making this mad dash through 50,000 in thrity days, I am feeling free to just let it rip and see where it takes me. It is an amazing ride.

My goal this weekend is to do 1000 words each day. Just to stay connected to the story but letting myself have a bit of a break.

Total word count: 33, 161

"Trust your own mind."
- from "Long Quiet Highway"

Day Fifteen

It's amazing how the more I write, the more material is churned up and needs to be written. Even at the movie theater yesterday I had to take out the notebook I carry dedicated to this novel and there in the dark scribbled two pages of ideas that came to me as I was watching the movie. I looked at them this morning and not only can I actually read them, but they all seem to still be good ideas.

I thought I was going to describe the house today but Lucy's scene, that I thought had ended yeseterday, went on for the full 2000 words today. Now, it won't all stay in the order I've written it in this draft, but most of it will find a place- somewhere I think. I hope.

I now realize how writing everyday takes a certain physical readiness. During these last fifteen days I have been eating really healthy food which,for me, means not too much sugar; working out 30-60 every day; plus 20 minutes of yoga and meditation early in the morning; maybe walking again in the late afternoon or early evening where I usually get some good ideas for the story; and I've been in bed by 9:00 most nights. If not for that structure to support me, I doubt I could continue at this pace.

Total word count: 32, 136

Quote:
"Writing brings you back to the natural state of mind, the wilderness of your mind where there are no refined rows of gladiolas."
- from "Wild Mind"

I love the line: there are no refined rows of gladiolas

Off to another mid-afternoon flick. Aaah... the sweet rewards of slowly reaching my goals.

Day Fourteen

Well, I set a goal of breaking 30,00 words today and I just reached 30, 024. According to the schedule in the book I should reach 30,000 by day 18 so I am 4 days ahead of schedule.

For a reward I am treating myself to a couple of movies. Today I am seeing "The illusionist" and tomorrow it is "The Last Kiss" with Zach Braff. I loved his movie "Garden State". We'll see if this new one is just as good.

Quote:
"Don't wait for 100% acceptance of yourself before you write,or even 80%. Just write. The process of writing will teach you about acceptance."
- from "Wild Mind"

I am just writng everyday. Just showing up and seeing what happens. Accepting that whatever gets written that day, even if it doesn't survive the final cut, it still was necessary to get me to the end. Everything I write tells me more of what I need to know about the story and characters. So accept it all, even if as you write you know the scene is a little sentimental or the dialogue a little cheesy. It can all be fixed later. Now is the time to just write.

Day Thirteen

Got my latest start yet. Didn't sit down at my computer until 1:00. But it's 3:11 now and I just added another 2000 words to my novel. Not sure if this scene even works. Some of it feels forced and trite but at least I showed up. That's what this little experiment is all about.

Total word count: 27,343

Quote:
Ask yourself, "What do I love deeply? What has brought me to my knees? What has totally broken me?" The combination of these answers can give you a voice.
- from a symposium on writng and Zen

Day Twelve

Word count: 25, 311

Which puts me officially past the halfway point.

I think that deserves some sort of reward. I'll have to think of something.

It took twelve days but the necessary structure and voices have finally risen to the top of all the pages I've written. So although I don't know exactly everything that's going to happen, I look forward to showing up each day to find out.

Quote:
In writing,stay with first thoughts, that raw energy that comes from the bottom of the mind.
- from "Long quiet Highway"

Day Eleven

Well I had an amazing writing day today. A new character emerged who I think will be pivotal to the story. Her voice was strong and the words just flew from my fingers.

Word count: 22, 529

That means I did over 2300 today. Yes!

Quote:
The only failure in writing is when you stop doing it.
-from Wild Mind

Ain't that the truth!

This pace of writing a novel in a month has permeated my life but not consumed it. I feel there is the perfect balance right now and I am savoring it. Last night as I read before falling asleep, all these new "what if" questions regarding my story and characters came up so I had to jot them down in a journal I keep by the bed for just such instances. I filled two and half pages and this morning they all still felt relevant.

Now it's time to switch gears and put on my graphic designer hat before the kids get home from school and all the homework/dinner/bedtime fiasco begins.

Day Ten

Well I did it. I broke 20,000 words today. 20,202 to be exact. That is almost half way there. I haven't hit a wall yet. The characters are moving around a bit more on their own which is always interesting and exciting. My youngest daughter just came in and gave me a high five when she saw my total word count come up on the screen. My dad and step-mom sent me a beautifully encouraging card and my writer's group is full of admiration and enthusiasm for this project. It's wonderful to have all that support and energy behind me.

So far, and I hope I don't jinx it, but it hasn't been excruciating at all to get my word count quota done for each day. The least amount of time I've spent is an hour and a half and the most is four. This is exactly how I pictured my writing life should be. Slow and steady. Just consistently showing up to the page.

Quote:
Be willing to speak from a different place, to discover memories you didn't even know were there.
- from "Thunder and Lightning"

Here's a book you must read. Stephen King called it the best memoir he's ever read and I have to agree. It is "A Three Dog Life" by Abigail Thomas. The thing I admire most is how she writes thoroughly and completely to the raw truth of her experience. I can feel her slow and steady pace. No flying past the uncomfortable parts and no dwelling in melodrama. A must read.